GET REAL: Fight Club (Week 5)

Preacher: (Guest) Julie Williams

Worship:
Listen to “The Battle Belongs to You” – Reflecting on the lyrics that we fight our battles on our knees, after all, the battle belongs to Him.

Check-in:
Share with the group one point that resonated with you from Sunday’s message.

Synopsis of message (For Reflection in Preparation):
Conflict within a relationship can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It then continues through their children; Cain and Abel. A sibling relationship filled with jealousy, violence, and even murder. Then Jesus arrived! And he boldly, with compassion faces conflict, not fearing it at all.

We see throughout the New Testament we see him standing firm in what he believes. Had a face-off with Satan, overturning tables in the temple, and challenged by many who doubted who he was. He was never concerned with winning an argument, always asking the right questions to get to the heart of the matter. Julie highlighted two different ways to handle conflict, natural vs supernatural, one that breaks us and another that can make us:

  1. Killer Conflict (Conflict that kills): Conflict naturally triggers a “fight or flight” response, both rooted in fear.
    FLIGHT: Some individuals avoid conflict, seeking peace but failing to resolve underlying issues. This approach is fear-driven and ineffective.
    FIGHT: Others engage in conflict to validate their identity, attacking the person rather than addressing the problem. This personalises the conflict and damages relationships.
    Killer conflict is brittle and threatens our identity, breaking us down. Four damaging factors contribute to this, also known as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” by Dr John Gottman:
    • Criticism: Attacking the person instead of their behaviour erodes trust and escalates tension.
    • Contempt: Disrespect and superiority breed resentment and undermine emotional safety, often predicting divorce.
    • Defensiveness: Denying responsibility leads to blame-shifting, hindering communication and resolution.
    • Stonewalling: Withdrawing and going silent creates emotional distance and feelings of isolation.

      Ultimately, conflict can be a catalyst for growth if approached constructively.
  2. Constructive conflict (Conflict that builds): To foster constructive conflict, we must replace fear with love, made possible through Christ. Colossians 3:12-14 teaches us to reflect Christ’s character and maintain unity amid disagreements. Perfect love drives out fear, enabling us to love even the unlovable.

    Love is:
    • Humble: Acknowledging our shortcomings rather than being self-righteous.
    • Curious: Seeking to understand and listen while examining our own hearts before confronting others (Matthew 7:3-5).
    • Selective: Choosing battles wisely.
    • Peace-loving: Ephesians 4:31-32 emphasises quick forgiveness and compassion, releasing bitterness despite hurt, with the goal of genuine reconciliation.
    • Brave: Moving toward conflict instead of avoiding it, risking vulnerability (Matthew 18:15-17; Ephesians 4:15).

      In this way, conflict can lead to growth and deeper connections. We have all of heaven’s resources at our disposal that can change our lives and even our country. We can pick up a different set of weapons and fight for relationships, for marriages, for our colleagues and for our health.

Discussion questions:

  1. When considering how conflict triggers a “flight or fight” response; which one do you identify with most? Is it reflective of the fears and beliefs you may have about yourself and your relationships?
  2. In what ways do you think Jesus’ approach to conflict can inspire us to handle disagreements more constructively in our own lives?
  3. What steps can you take in your relationships to transform potential conflicts into opportunities for growth and deeper connections?

Additional resources:

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