GET REAL: What Lies Beneath (Week 4)
Preacher: Daniel Erasmus
Worship:
Listen to the song Gratitude – Brandon Lake. Be reminded of God’s goodness towards you and respond with your gratitude towards Him.
Check-in:
As part of your check-in, reflect on the specific steps you took to ensure that your relationships align with your spiritual values and goals.
Synopsis of message (For Reflection in Preparation):
On Sunday Pastor Daniel shared that there are two main sources that shape our thoughts and beliefs on relationships. Firstly, what God says, the One who speaks truth and words of faith (John 8:32) and then there is our spiritual enemy who only lies (John 8:44).
He posed the question: What do you say to yourself when you think about relationships, dating or marriage? Sometimes our response to this question can be based on some common lies:
- “I can change them”: In a relationship we may become dissatisfied and acknowledge that something needs to change in order to move forward. However, we need to recognise that our attempts to change the other person won’t work because only God can change a heart. Instead we are encouraged to pray – both that God would change them (James 5:16-17) and that God would change me (Psalm 139:23-24).
- “Marriage is 50/50”: With this lie we are inadvertently keeping score and this was never God’s desire for marriage. He intended for marriage to be 100% full-on submissive love and servanthood to one another. (Ephesians 5:25)
- “Chill out – this one little thing isn’t a big deal”: Often in relationships we can ignore what we deem to be a “little thing”, thinking that only the “big problems” will destroy the relationship but it is the “small” sins left unchecked and unconfessed that can grow and compound to become a big complicated sin. Sin grows best in the dark so James 5:16 instructs us to bring it to light by confessing to and praying for one another. While receiving a confession may be difficult to hear, remember that when someone loves you enough to open up and ask for help, it’s one of the most generous expressions of love.
- “There is no hope for my marriage”: In Matthew 19:26 Jesus said, “With God, all things are possible.” While it may seem like there is no hope for a marriage, there is always hope with God. Our God is the God of miracles! For any marriage to be healed and whole, it takes two people working to be healed and whole.
Special Note: We know that there were aspects of Daniel’s message that were direct and may have triggered varying degrees of discomfort. While it might be that the Holy Spirit is convicting us of something, it would be really important that we recognise that not one of us meets God’s standard. Let’s remember that shame is not from God. God’s response to us is one of grace and what he desires for us. As you work through these questions, we encourage you to answer them honestly for yourself, and to share at a level of comfort you’re accustomed to in your group. Please also consider how you respond to what others share, so that our responses to one another are non-judgmental, that we steer clear of advice-giving and that our group remains a place of safety for all.
Discussion questions:
While members are encouraged to work through each question independently, assess these questions and discuss only the ones relevant to your Life Group’s context.
- In your current relationship(s), what lies have you bought into? Where could you be vulnerable to lies?
- Are there areas of confession that are necessary to find healing: confession with a spouse (always first) and possibly with other trusted believers?
- What are the signs of hope for God-honouring relationships, given in the truth from God’s word, for your life?
Pray a blessing over the marriages and relationships of those in your group.
Additional resources:
- Living Changed: In Marriage by YouVersion
- Marriage on the Edge by YouVersion
- Five Lies that Ruin Relationships by RightNow Media
